It’s what we all want. Peace around us and within us, and it is the most elusive gift of all, if we’re honest. I may run a tight ship, endeavour to maintain a tidy home, make it warm and cosy, bright and welcoming, but it doesn’t bring me lasting peace, for, one day, I will be overwhelmed with all this tidying and welcoming stuff and the effort will just feel like work.
I can walk in the wild and breathe in the soft rain (ever near); I can learn each bird sound, recognise each species, learn which tree is which and why it grows well here, but not over there. I can see new deer tracks, find otter spore, listen to the song of each wind and really engage with each seasonal change. I can read well-written books, listen to glorious music and walk myself into the warp and weft of a symphony, then go deeper into it to hear the flow of each individual instrument. I can boogie around the kitchen just because I feel like it. I can write an encouraging letter, send a kindly message to someone who needs to hear one. I can cook something delicious and share it. But all these bring to me is a short term peace, nothing lasting, for it would be inhuman of me to manage all of the above every single day.
To learn to live inside this world without expecting anything from it is the key. So where is this lasting Peace? Not in the world, not on TV, not in the papers or on the news; not in this life, my life, and not in anyone else’s either, except in part, when things trundle along like Thomas the Tank Engine beneath a sunny sky. I have those times too and I am very thankful for them because they tell me all is well in my world. Okay, that was Monday. But now, it’s Tuesday and everything feels like double pants. It’s raining, which didn’t bother me at all on Monday, but which has now turned into a personal attack. What happened? Was it me, something I’d done, or not done? If I believe, as many do, that something, fate, karma, bad luck, controls my life, that I obviously didn’t rack up enough gold stars yesterday, then what on earth is life about? Am I, as I was in the schoolroom, doomed to a gold star hamster wheel life for however long I get to live it? I thought we were supposed to love our lives. Ask anyone that question and see what they say. ‘Do you love your life?’
Hmmm, well I’ll have to think about that. At times, I guess……
In other words, No.
So, I must look higher. Way beyond my grasp there is a force for good. I can access it, but only if I acknowledge it. If I can keep my feet on this ground, on my ground, the ground allotted to my walk for life, and my head in the clouds, then I will find Peace.
Someone asked me, once, knowing I am a believer, why I never mentioned God in my blogs. It was a good and fair question and it thinked me a lot and for a long time. Am I embarrassed to write his/her name? Am I #notquitesure of the power of a loving deity? I don’t have answers to either of those but I do know that it is super easy to be pigeon-holed for believing in anything bigger than that which a human can achieve all on his own.
It is more than enough for me to hold my beliefs quietly to myself, for I am no evangelist, and would run a mile if I thought one was heading for me. I just know when I am having a Thomas the Tank Engine day, beneath a sunny sky, that that is all it is. Just one day. On other days, cold days, unhappy days, it isn’t to do with gold stars, or me. It’s just another day in an inconsistent life. Just like everyone else’s. And, on those days, I can still believe that my inconsistent life is in the hands of a higher power and, through that belief, gain Peace regardless of the inner or outer storms.
And thank God for that.