This day I mourn. I never knew the man, only that which was proffered, edited and packaged by his advisors and, less so, by the media, which has way too many opinions for my liking. I admired him in a million ways, even as I knew little, or nothing, of the real himself. When someone is so protected and so controlled, it would be unusual for many to say they ever knew this man. No matter. What I gleaned and gathered over many years was enough for me. He followed a strong woman. Now, I don’t know about you but in my experience those men are super rare. He did that. He was difficult (men) angsty, I am sure, wanting to run for the hills, but he did not.
And she is now alone. I am guessing right now she feels grief and relief. After all, he has been pointing himself to the skies for a few months now. His going might be a good thing. The waiting is awful, the watching, the waking in the nights, the wondering, the checking on breathing, all of that. Gone now. Gone. Him gone. For ever.
And then she, the woman, will begin to fall. Of course she will. No matter the flowers, the family support, the International support. She is now a woman alone after so many decades of living easily and uneasily beside her old mate, of many, many years and I feel strongly for her. I even had a weep. I know how you feel at this time even if I know absolutely nowt about how you feel right now.
And just think of the public requirements now, my lady. You, after this, the worst loss of all, are still going to have to rack up, as you have always done, despite the collapsing within. I feel so much for you. I can recognise the clutching dark of loss, of not wanting to go upstairs to bed, of the awful silence in the rooms, of no laughing about lumpy porridge or of someone’s hat or their startling remark. No more sharing at the deepest level that only ever comes from two who know each other front and back, inside and out. Yes, they well might have loathed each other at times, resisted contact, fought to get away, yelled opinions across a room, but we still knew each other at that deepest level.
There is no replacement for that. Not ever. It is history and history takes decades to become such.
My respect and appreciation for my Queen and for Prince Philip.