I thought this. Although my natural state of being is positive and upbeat, for which I am very thankful, it is not always the way and if I only write like Tigger, you might think there is no Eeyore in me and that is not the truth at all.
This past week I have been down on my uppers. I had two big teeth taken out recently and one big hole wasn’t happy. Because the goneteeth are, one up one side, and one down on t’other, eating anything has been a big re-learning curve. I was given antibiotics and I resisted for 10 days, doing it all naturally, but after that I just knew I was an old runner in a fast race and had to give in. I don’t think I have taken antibiotics for decades, nor made a visit to the doctor so this massive 1000 mgs of chemicals sent me into a gloopy fogbog. I barely slept, felt low, flat, miserable, tired with belly aches and more. Now, the thing is this. When such fogbog sucks a person down, it is very easy to add trouble, for anxieties to erupt into shape shifters, scatter-balling through the day but mostly the night. Giants are made of tiny winkles of doubt, morphing into bullies lying in wait behind every single hedge. There is fire in the attic and I can quite easily see where madness lies. I am more than glad the last pills are downed.
It thinks me. When we are compromised in any way, such as a family upset, a consistent backache, a niggling self-doubt, a bereavement plus Covid lurking behind a veil of confused information, it is understandable that our thinking narrows, funnels, tunnels and threats like big rats in a mine when you have a cut in your leg and can’t get out. As if we are holding on to nothing. What we need to do is to walk away from that thinking. Our minds are brilliant, inventive and loud with protective warnings, our legs too, but sometimes, when compromised, we can wander into the wild and volatile land of unreality, unless we hold tight to what we remember as our truth, our ground, the solid surety of the life we knew and trusted before we moved into a different state of affairs. And sometimes we might need someone else to show us the way. Drugs can knock you, as they did for me. I have never reacted so strongly to anything chemical before now and I do not like it at all, even though the infection is abating somewhat. I think of those in hospital right now, in a compromised and deluded state, battling like warriors against that loss of ground.
I went to visit my family and the little tousled headed girls who, although I didn’t realise it, were all ears. I told the short story of my tooth issue in a flat voice. The wee redhead said to me, she who had just lost a tooth and earned coin for gifting it to the Fairy Wall Project……Don’t worry, Gaga (patting my arm) your teeth will grow back! Then, she flourished as if with a wand.
Here’s the solid ground once again. She just gifted it back to me.