Island Blog – Taradiddle Tapselteerie

I like an oppositional perspective on life and deem it apposite in this instance. I also love words and playing with them, using them here and there like stepping stones, no, more like hopscotch. I realise I might leave a reader behind, baffled, bored, thinking me an arrogant wordy nerd. I bow to this. But my love of words knows no bounds even if I have to dictionary a whole lot of them. They come into my head just like that. Just like Taraddidle and Tapselteerie and then I must needs ruffle through everything up to the T pages to find their meaning. Why did, do, they come to me, all random and naked of meaning? I believe I hear the music in them, the beat, and not the memory of English Language A level, which I never took because I was unceremoniously expelled prior to the exam.

The whole oppositional perspective on life thingy is easier to explain, I think, even if redemption is not necessarily in sight. And here it is. I am not a balanced type of woman, nor was I, even as a girl. I am either on the ceiling or deep underground. It is exhausting, but, nonetheless, it is me, it is I, I am me and I am I, and if I could just get myself clear on that I just might find a home. And suddenly this knowledge laughs me because it tells me something important. I am already home and this home is me. I can make it just as I choose. I can high fence it or let everyone in. I can pepper my garden with wildflowers or let it all die. I can paint the stucco, decorate the garden furniture, even sass up the wheelie bins, or I can not bother all. The choice is mine alone, me and I.

Distilling this down to that moment when the fierce bubbling calms to a reduction, I see something. I see the imbalance of life and not just my own. I know for certain that many others present as ‘fine’ when they are anything but I get it, for who wants to invite delving questions demanding answers we don’t want to give? And it is……oh, hold, the cliche words rise in me, the ‘it’s okay not to be okay’ for which I immediately apologise. So what words do we need when we need them? Well, probably none. We are up, we are down. It’s not a good thing to pretend we are balanced when we are not but if we keep it all in it does us no service.

To acknowledge Taraddidle and Tapselteerie has worked for me. I feel the beat of them, hear their music. It’s my ladder up when the snake takes me down because I am not one, not the other, but both.

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